


Take One For The Team

by MusicalDefiance



Series: Pegoryu Week 2018 [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Fight, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, and tired of akira not taking care of himself, because he deserves the world, ryuji's just really upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15141161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicalDefiance/pseuds/MusicalDefiance
Summary: But it's two for one.A fanfic where Ryuji Sakamoto is so angry with Akira that he forgets about seven numbers while counting down from thirteen.





	Take One For The Team

**Author's Note:**

> The first of five fics for PegoRyu Week! Would have had more but I had some art things in mind.
> 
> Hilariously, this is like an unintentional trio fic with canticle and voido because our fics fit so well together, so you should absolutely need check these two out as well! If you're starting here, good, because my fic is chronologically first, then please do yourself a favor and read the other two in the order below!
> 
> [Crashing Low (Canticle)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15128984)   
>  [A Promise For Eternity: Chapter 4 (Voido)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116990/chapters/35110244)
> 
> We just... love the boys, even when they fight. :3c

Ryuji really loves Akira, it’s true. Ever since he moved to Tokyo, ever since they became friends that fateful day, since he found that he can have some otherworldly strength as long as he has this black haired supposed delinquent by his side, he’s been enraptured by him. Akira quickly became all of his thoughts, every passing moment and feeling in his heart and mind that made him even want to bother waking up every day. It was something that hit him hard and fast, so unexpected and yet not even remotely unwelcome, and while Ryuji didn’t have much experience with that feeling, he was more than willing and ready to embrace it.

When he confesses to Akira in the summer, in his hot attic bedroom with nothing but video games and too warm sodas, they share their first kiss, and Ryuji still considers it to be the best day of his life.

Ryuji loves Akira, there’s not really much that the boy can do to make him upset with him. He’s a snarky, cocky shit, one that’s way too stubborn and can’t let anything go for the life of him, but that’s just part of his appeal. Akira is a force to be reckoned with, with the cunning of a skilled thief and the humor of a six year old boy who just learned new words for poop; Ryuji loves that about him, no matter how much he thinks he shouldn’t.

But admittedly, there are things about Akira that Ryuji doesn’t find to be absolute favorites of his.

The way that he keeps everything to himself, the way that he stays quiet even when something’s bothering him, and the fact that he’ll make decisions for himself without any ounce of hesitation, no matter the danger, are definitely a few of those things. Ryuji tries to fight through those, tries his absolute best to whittle away at Akira Kurusu’s need to keep himself so stoic, but he finds himself faltering plenty. When Akira does something, he always has a reason, whether anyone particularly likes that reasoning or not, and personally it drives Ryuji  _ up the wall. _

But this, this is the last effing straw.

Ryuji has seen this happen way more than once now, and he’s getting completely and utterly sick of it. It seems to happen almost every single day, with every single battle they face, and he doesn’t feel even remotely like he’s exaggerating. Every attack missed, every shadow that’s just a little too smart or strong for one of them, and it always seems to end up the same exact way. How often had it happened before everything went down that he hadn’t noticed?

But he’s getting absolutely sick and tired of it. Ryuji is so damn tired of Akira taking hits for everyone.

He started to notice it almost out of nowhere. One of the first fights in Shido’s hellscape of a palace was against a group that was a little stronger than they’d anticipated. One of them came at Ann with a bufu type attack that would have undoubtedly knocked her down for a minute, though nothing she probably couldn’t have handled, and Akira had slammed her out of the way. He took the force of it, all of it, and while he wasn’t necessarily completely debilitated by it, Ryuji could tell that it  _ hurt _ . He could see it on every inch of Akira’s face as the ice stretched and crystalized against his skin, and he never really did shake off the hit that day, even after a dia or two down the line. Not even back home, despite melting under the press of Ryuji’s worried fingers trying and failing to work away all the knots he’d managed to gain in his muscles, his skin still unnaturally cooled.

So ever since that point, Ryuji has noticed every single time that he’s done it.

It‘s been a couple of weeks since they’d started that palace, and Shido is undoubtedly a formidable foe. He knows more things about the cognitive world than most, and it seems like his mind is somehow very adapted with that knowledge at his helm. His shadows are strong, as are his mind games, and every single letter of recommendation they’ve had to obtain is another difficult battle to pile into the mix. So far they have three, and they still need two more; time is not on their side.

But two weeks is still a lot of time to get in a lot of fights, both inside the palace and in Mementos when they feel the need to scour it. Lots of fights though means lots of times that Akira can push someone out of the way, and in two weeks, Ryuji has counted him doing it no less than twelve times.

Twelve hits Akira didn’t have to take for himself. Twelve attacks that their friends probably could have avoided on their own or simply taken the responsibility for. Every single one of them felt like another heavy hand on Ryuji’s psyche. He can’t help but think too that maybe he should be blaming his friends, being so careless and making Akira feel at all like he even had to do that, but for whatever reason that just isn’t adjusting very well in his mind. He can’t blame them for messing up or being put up against something they can’t control, even as much as Mona always wants to make it seem like every time Ryuji goes down it’s all his fault. They’re all still human after all, imperfect and prone to make mistakes. But he  _ can _ blame Akira for being overly rash and trying to do things that have no point or purpose, it doesn’t make any damn sense.

But this last time, the  _ thirteenth  _ time Akira had done it in two weeks, he just couldn’t deal with it anymore.

It’s while they’re in Mementos, somewhat surprisingly. You’d think with how dire the situation is they’d spend all their time in the palace, but even Mementos needs to be dealt with at times. That was their promise to Mona after all, and it helps them feel a little more fulfilled even while they have so much more on their plate, helping people in need rather than dealing with the shitstorm from an evil mastermind. But all the same, the farther down Mementos they go, the darker and more dangerous it becomes. Shadows are always lurking left and right, ready to strike when they feel the need, and the Phantom Thieves have to be ready to answer the call. So for a tough fight to come around is inevitable, and one that they have to be at least somewhat prepared for.

In the line-up for the time being is Ryuji, Morgana, Makoto, and Akira, all trudging forward and fighting off a group of shadows that decided to reign in on top of them. They seem pretty easy going at first, neither Futaba or Makoto highly concerned by what they’re facing. What they don’t realize though was the possibility for other shadows to come in from out of nowhere.

One shadow makes its call, and another comes from behind it, backing up the small crew of three to everyone in the group’s surprise. Makoto and Futaba move to analyze it before it can do anything, but it’s too late. Almost as suddenly as it came, the shadow makes eye contact with Ryuji and charges him, blowing some kind of garu-like attack his way, one bound to knock him off his feet. He tries to dodge, tries to counter in some way, but it’s way too fast, and if he tries to move now it wouldn’t help anything. His arms move up to his head instinctively, eyes shutting closed and bracing for impact as the creature moves towards him and attacks with lightning speed.

And all he feels is a small brush of wind, nothing more.

His eyes shoot open as soon as it skates across his face, and he locks onto what took such ferocity of it away. None other than Akira Kurusu is standing in front of him, hunched over and groaning as he takes the full force of the attack that was meant for him. Almost as soon as he’s hit, he’s standing up again and lunging forward, taking out the shadow with one quick twist of his blade and letting it fade away into the rough floor of the underground labyrinth. Soon after he’s snapping his fingers and calling for an all out attack, which Ryuji participates in on command, like clockwork, but there’s the fuel of frustration bubbling beneath his skin. He lashes out, doing as he’s told and obliterating his target with a yell and a too hard smack of his bat, and then it’s over.

But as the adrenaline wears off, and the high from the attack fades away, his eyes latch onto a sight that’s not going to help anything he’s feeling. Akira falls to a knee and slumps over his top half as he grabs at his side, small unheard curses leaving his lips.

_ You’ve gotta be effing kidding me _ .

“What the hell was that, man!” he shouts angrily, walking over to Akira and kneeling down to look at him. He’s not even trying to help him. “Dude, oh my god, what the  _ shit _ were you thinking?”

Akira coughs, “It was a garu attack. You’re weak to those.” he answers simply, though his voice is evidently strained.

Ryuji groans, “Yeah, sure, okay, I know that. But I could have taken it!”

“Hey hey, it’s fine!” Makoto voices, stepping over to the two of them and lending a hand to Akira, one that he takes appreciatively. “Joker, are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” he grunts, rubbing at his side as he stands. “I just need a quick heal, nothing too serious I don’t think.”

“Nothing too serious my ass.” Ryuji snarls through his teeth.

“Skull, now’s not the time.” Makoto reminds him, always with the mission on her mind. Ryuji just growls in response but she ignores him. “We’ll take care of you, it’s no trouble at all. Just be a little more careful next time.”

Akira smiles, “Always.” he says way too easily, and Ryuji rolls his eyes.

Ryuji is beyond pissed the entire ride back to the top. Normally he sits next to Akira in the Monabus, it’s an action that’s done without question and one that no one thinks too hard about, but he doesn’t this time. He makes solid eye contact with Akira as he steps in, and makes a hard turn to sit next to Yusuke and Futaba in the middle seat, trying to tune into whatever little thing they’re bickering about. Literally anything will do to get his mind off Akira right now. He doesn’t seem to take much offense to it, but even behind his stark white mask Ryuji can see that his eyebrow’s lifted a bit.

He’s stretching his fingers and crumpling whatever parts of the fabric on the seat beneath him that he can, without mercy. Morgana yells at him more than once to knock it off.

When they get back he’s blistered and angry, not really sure how to handle it, and he’s still not saying anything. His eyebrows are furrowed so deep, and with his mask dissipated as they step back into the real world, everyone can see it; there’s no hiding the stinging look he has on his face. Part of him doesn’t really care.

“That was some great work back there, team!” Makoto congratulates, stretching her tired arms out and hanging them over her head. “We definitely have some more ground to cover down there, but we’re making some nice progress.”

Futaba nods in confirmation, “Should just be a few more levels before we get to our final destination, we’re nearing the end. If we keep up this pace we should have the palace and Mementos completely covered in only a few more days!”

_ If we keep this pace up, Akira’s not gunna have any more strength to stand on.  _ Ryuji thinks bitterly.

Everyone seems pleased with how things went along the way home, much to Ryuji’s irritation. Yusuke compliments Haru on her resourcefulness and attack power, which she returns with a comment on how he expertly handled a few shadows that had tried to sneak up on them. Ann is praised by Makoto and Akira together for her whip use earlier that night, and she’s quick to return the favor. It’s just an obnoxious fest of good vibes and feelings.

Futaba gives Akira a light pat on the arm for not letting that attack hit Ryuji, it would have taken him out for sure she says, her tone teasing and playful. Akira gives her a thankful smile, and Ryuji’s scowl gets worse.

Akira looks at Ryuji, even tries to grab his hand a few times like normal, but the blonde won’t make direct eye contact with him no matter how much he tries to get it, and his hands get shoved into his pockets. He can tell Akira’s confused by it, but it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to fight it too hard. Akira’s used to seeing Ryuji frustrated, even over little things, and he’s usually open to just giving him the space he needs to cool off. Honestly, right now maybe that’s all he needs.

When they’ve reached their transfer point downstairs in the subway, the majority of the team says their goodbyes and begin to make their way onward to their destinations as Futaba and Akira do the same with Morgana in tow. As they’re walking, reaching the point where he knows he should split off, Ryuji can feel his heartbeat quickening, the heat in his face only getting stronger as he watches them walk away as though nothing is wrong. And honestly, maybe nothing really is to them, but everything is to him.

He knows in his head he needs to let it go. He needs to just let them walk on and he can deal with this at home, maybe add another fist indent to that one pillow of his if need be. The last thing he needs to do is let his anger get the better of him and take it out on someone else, he’s been down that path before. But he… he just can’t; this time was too much. For whatever reason this is the angriest he’s been and if he has to go through it again… If he has to go through it  _ tomorrow _ , watching Akira get beaten down  _ again _ ... 

He’s going to absolutely lose his fucking mind.

“Akira!” he shouts, grabbing at his arm before he can walk through the station’s gate.

He garners both his and Futaba’s attention quickly, almost wanting to back away the second Futaba’s eyes meet his with a look of both indistinction and curiosity. He can’t let that get in the way though, it’s not like she’s a baby. This has nothing to do with her anyways.

This is about Akira, just like everything else that matters to him.

“Hey, need something?” he asks gently, and the smile on his face is just so loving and tender, completely unperturbed.

Ryuji pauses, not sure how to say what he needs when he’s looking at him like  _ that _ . He can’t start this now, not in front of Futaba. Not in front of Morgana who’ll be judging the shit out of him while he sits inside that damn bag. He needs to talk to Akira about this  _ alone. _

“I wanna come over.” he answers, trying to keep his tone almost nonchalant.

Futaba raises an eyebrow, “Isn’t it a little late for that? We’re tired, and don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“The last thing you need to be doing is slacking off on school!” Morgana chides from the bag.

Ryuji growls and shakes his head, “Shut it, s’not important.” he says, glaring at the damn cat through the bag slung on Akira’s shoulder before his gaze turns straight into Akira’s grey eyes. “I just need to talk to you.”

Akira’s expression shifts a little, and it’s a bit unnerved. “What is it, can you talk about it now?”

He squeezes Akira’s arm a little tighter, through both leather and the cotton of his hoodie; he can’t help it. “No, not here. Now’s not a good time.”  _ I don’t want to fucking lose it in front of all these damn people.  _ “I won’t stay long but I really need to talk to you.”  _ Please, before I crack. _

Akira is hesitant for some reason, Ryuji can tell, and he wonders if it’s the look on his face. Everyone was definitely avoiding eye contact with him as they were heading out, and if there’s anything he knows about himself, it’s that he’s shit at hiding his own emotions. He’s not like Akira, not like this kid that can play it off like he’s fine even when he’s not, but even that Ryuji’s pretty sure he can see through.

It’s part of why he’s so fucking angry in the first place.

Akira relents after only a moment, even though Morgana’s giving him a bit of protest. Roommates or not, Morgana seems to at least know his place when it comes to matters between their relationship though, and he backs down easily. Futaba just lets it be what it is, she isn’t really phased by much it seems, but Ryuji’s silently grateful for it nonetheless.

When they make their stop, Futaba brings Morgana along with her. It’s already dark outside when they step out in the cold, darker than it was when they left the Metaverse. The cold chills all of them to their bones, and Futaba makes a mad dash to her heated bedroom so she can warm her tiny body back up, Morgana howling that she’s shaking him too much the whole way. It’s almost funny to watch, but Ryuji’s not really in the mood to start laughing.

Akira has to unlock the door to LeBlanc since Sojiro’s gone, something that Ryuji’s also pretty grateful for, and they make their way inside without a word. He’s already starting to get that itch he used to feel a long time ago, that one where he knows he’s getting to the point where something’s gotta give. Just standing next to Akira on the train, watching him wince just a little bit as Ryuji’s body accidentally brushed him as the train stopped was more than enough to get his chilling blood to start boiling like it had been earlier.

As his feet are knocking against the wood, he counts down from his steps, like a countdown to his inevitable meltdown. He knows how many steps it takes to get upstairs to Akira’s room, he’s counted them enough in his head nonchalantly to remember the number by heart, and it’s going backwards in his mind as he follows his boyfriend all the way up.

Thirteen times that he’s watched this happen.

Twelve moments where he watched Akira’s jaw open in agony.

Eleven times they had to heal him as they headed back.

Ten times where the team congratulated him on his bravery...

Each step he goes up his footing gets heavier, and he thinks Akira’s noticing it. His hands are shoved so deeply into his pockets and his fingers are worrying over one another in an insistent manner. He’s so unfocused on everything else and yet completely focused on every bit of the way Akira climbs up the stairs.

Three times that Akira’s gotten seriously hurt.

Two times that they had to drag him back to a safe room to make sure he was okay.

And one more time that he has to watch Akira’s leg dip under itself as he climbs up the last step, before he completely loses his mind.

“What the actual  _ hell  _ is wrong with you?” Ryuji spits out as soon as they reach the top, and Akira seems almost immediately taken aback as he turns towards him at the question.

“What are you-?”

“Don’t even start.” Ryuji interrupts loudly, raising one of his hands out of his pockets. “Akira, I’m serious, what the shit are you thinking always running in and taking hits like it’s your damn birthright? Do you think it’s fun or somethin’, like you really need to go and be the hero all the time?”

And oh, Akira  _ does not  _ like that. His expression goes dark in an instant, almost as soon as the accusation has left his mouth, and that look alone makes Ryuji instantly want to back out. It’s one that he rarely sees, one that he only gets when they’re deep in the Metaverse and something’s really gone wrong. A look that Ryuji’s barely seen rest on his face outside of a conversation dealing with Shido. It is not one that he ever sees directed at any one of them.

He’s  _ especially  _ not used to being the recipient.

“What are you even talking about?” Akira asks, but it’s not a calm question even when it is. His voice is dark, and Ryuji can hear the underlying tones of irritation permeating every single word.

Ryuji’s not one to back down though, especially not when he’s this pissed. “You know  _ exactly  _ what I’m talking about you idiot! How about every single damn time when we go into the Metaverse nowadays, you’re always knockin’ back hits for someone! Shovin’ them out of the way, takin’ the blow if someone’s off their game just a little bit!” He’s pacing now, his released hand rummaging through his hair, fingers scratching back and forth against his scalp while the other fidgets fabric in his pocket. “Like dude, do you not realize how effin’ dangerous that is? Every time you do it you get hurt, and some of them have been way effin’ worse than others!” He looks his way, icily. “You gotta stop doin’ that shit!”

Akira’s arms fold in front of him, “Why are you paying so much attention to that, what does it matter? I’m just trying to make sure that we can get out of there safely.”

Ryuji groans, “Yeah, okay, sure! But what about you, man! Incase you haven’t realized, we kind of  _ need  _ you when we’re there, and if you go down what the hell do you think we’re supposed to do?” He turns his body fully towards him and he’s looking straight into his eyes now, even while knowing he’s never going to quite match the intensity of that glare but trying anyways. “Like come on, do you ever use your head for even like one second?”

Akira’s mouth firms, “What is this even about? Are you angry because I stepped in front of you? Ryuji, I don’t think you’re weak or anything, I just wanted to protect you. If that’s all this is about-”

“ _ No! _ ” he shouts. “That  _ is not  _ what this is about! I don’t give a shit about me or any other petty little thing you might think I’m getting my ass all twisted about, I’m not that fuckin’ vain man, jesus!”

Akira’s eyebrows furrow, “Well then what  _ is  _ this about? I’m doing my  _ job,  _ Ryuji. I’m trying to make sure everyone’s safe, that’s the only goal I have in mind. This isn’t about anything else.”

“Isn’t it? Because I sure as hell think it is.”

“What are you even talking about?” he almost pleads, his hands splaying at his sides in exasperation as the words leave his mouth. “Ryuji, it’s nothing important. I don’t do it all the time or anything, it’s just when I see something coming. Anyone else would do it for the rest of the team anytime, I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this.”

“Because _ it is _ a big deal!” he yells, slamming his fist down on the table next to him. It’s an act that shakes the whole attic, maybe even the cafe, and he watches Akira  _ actually take a step back  _ on impact _.  _ There’s a bit of shock in his eyes, a touch of fear Ryuji isn’t used to, and he feels a piece of himself lurch down and into the floor.

_ Too far, Ryuji.  _ **_Too far._ ** But he can’t stop here.

“I just…  _ God damnit, Akira! _ I can’t keep watching you do this shit!” he goes on, throwing his head back and grabbing the back of his hair with his fists. “Do you know how much it effin’ bothers me when you throw yourself out there like that, how much it worries me when I see you all hurt?  _ Does that even matter to you? _ ”

His voice sounds almost desperate, and it’s taking its effect. Akira’s face has softened significantly, an arm starting to hesitantly reach out to him, but Ryuji can tell that Akira’s really unsure of whether he should make contact or not. The answer is he shouldn’t, not now; Ryuji doesn’t want him to touch him when he’s like this, not while he’s scaring him and himself. He sees his hand and turns his body away from him, looking over towards the shelf with all of Akira’s mementos and knick-knacks and trying to focus on nothing but them. He sees the ramen bowl he gave him months ago and it makes his stomach flip once.

“It’s… It’s not really something I  _ think about _ , Ryuji.” he says softly. “I don’t really think about it at all. I just kind of do it, on instinct. I’m not trying to-”

“Yeah, of course you don’t think about it, you never do, but it doesn’t matter what you’re  _ trying _ to do, Akira!” he seethes, and suddenly he’s starting to feel pressure behind his eyes; pressure that he doesn’t want or need right now. “Everyone else seems freakin’ fine with it, even you, but it’s not okay. Every time you do it is just another effin’ time that you’re throwin’ yourself in danger and I can’t take it anymore. Don’t you think you’ve done that shit enough?” he asks, turning back towards him.

“What do you mean?” he asks, softer than he has been.

And like a faucet being turned, it’s all starting to spill out of his mouth.

“Akira,  _ fuck _ , you almost  _ died! _ I know it was all fuckin’ part of the plan or whatever, but it was  _ fucking scary _ . I had to sit there for like  _ two days _ just waiting and wondering if I was ever gunna see your face again!” His hands are pushing back at his eyes, trying to block out Akira’s face, trying to push back the tears he knows want to fall. “And yet you just keep fucking doing it! You keep putting yourself in danger, keep putting yourself in the line of fire, and I just don’t get  _ why!  _ Haven’t you done that enough, why can’t you let someone else fucking protect you for once?  _ Why won’t you start valuing  _ **_yourself_ ** _ for once! _ ”

He’s reached his breaking point now, and he’s shaking like a leaf in a windstorm, more than any attack from a shadow could ever bring him to. He’s angry, and he’s so fucking  _ sad  _ all of a sudden, and his knees are buckling and bringing him to the ground because he’s exhausted and can’t be bothered to hold himself up anymore. He’s making noises as he scrunches into himself, soft little gasps of air and sobs hat he can’t control, and so much of him hates it. It’s too much, every little emotion all balling up and shoveling itself out at once, and he’s just not able to deal with it anymore.

He can hear gentle quiet footsteps padding towards him, but he doesn’t bother looking up. He’s hunched over, balling his hands into his face as he tries to fight back the tears, nevermind it being a useless effort. After a moment he feels a shift next to him, and suddenly arms are surrounding the top half of his body, warm and comforting and perfectly molded just for him. He relents, taking his arms and grasping the leather surrounding Akira’s body as he buries his face into his neck, letting the cotton on the hood of his grey hoodie underneath the top jacket get soaked from his tears. Akira doesn’t seem to mind at all, and one hand binds itself across him while the other reaches and flushes itself into Ryuji’s locks.

“I didn’t know you were still upset about that.” Akira admits quietly, and Ryuji can hear the guilt dripping in every word. “Whenever I came back you were so excited, you were acting like it never even bothered you, and I just assumed you were fine.”

Ryuji sniffles, he wasn’t fine, and he isn’t fine now. He was just as scared as everyone else if not more so, but he hadn’t wanted to admit it. He was cocky, and he wanted to feed off that and stay feeling that way, but deep down he knew that he was afraid the entire time. He didn’t know much about faith or ratios of success or whatever else everyone spouted at him to make it seem like it was a good idea, but even he wasn’t too dumb to realize that the chance of it not working was really high. No matter how dumb anyone seems to think he is, he knew Akira’s safety was in grave danger.

But Akira is who he is, and he’s always open to giving himself up for the benefit of others. Hell, that’s how he became a Phantom Thief in the first place. His selflessness in saving that woman, his selflessness in saving their friends, his selflessness in saving  _ him _ . It’s just part of his personality, not bothering even once to put himself over the lives of anyone else, not even Ryuji, and he absolutely hates that more than anything. He believes in him and trusts him more than anyone else in this world, and loves him beyond any comprehension, and that fact only makes it hurt even worse.

He can’t do it, he can’t keep watching Akira put his life on the line. Every time he does it feels like an attempt on his own.

“I can’t do it…” Ryuji cries, mimicking his thoughts, and he hates how much like a big baby he sounds like but this is the only way he can get it out. “I just can’t keep watchin’ you do this, man. It scares the shit out of me, every time I have to see you get hurt and just take it like you have to, and you don’t. You don’t have to keep doing this, you’ve done enough…”

Akira doesn’t say anything, but he’s holding Ryuji tighter, raking his hand through his hair and moving his arm up and down against his back in soothing motions. It helps a little, and the tension in Ryuji’s shoulder dies away as he melds into Akira’s touch, letting him take all of his anger away and replace it in the way that he usually does. It’s not to take away from the subject, Akira knows better than that, but if it will calm him down that’s all he needs.

It takes another minute or so before Ryuji’s ready to pull away, and when he does he grimaces as he sees the mess he leaves on the hood of Akira’s hoodie. He mumbles a soft apology, but Akira just shrugs it off like nothing, like always, and leaves it there like it doesn’t bother him at all.

“I’m sorry.” Akira says, and he means it. He’s looking straight into Ryuji’s eyes as he takes a hand to his face, stroking his thumb across his cheek in an achingly tender fashion and catching a stray tear or two as it falls across his flushed skin. “I didn’t know you felt like this, and I didn’t mean to make you feel so helpless. I really am sorry.” There’s a choke in his voice and his face is red, like he’s trying to hold back his own tears.

Ryuji wants to look away, but he doesn’t. He can still feel a touch of that anger simmering down deep in his gut, but he believes Akira’s words; he wouldn’t lie to him about something like that. This solemn apologetic look he’s faced with is all he wants to focus on now, and it makes him feel almost guilty for bringing such a bad look onto Akira’s face.

“S’okay…” Ryuji breathes, but he’s honestly not entirely sure if it is. He palms at his eye really quickly, a partial excuse to put his hand on top of Akira’s, so much of him just wanting to take that painful look out of his eyes.

“It’s not okay.” Akira argues. “It’s not and it never was, and I should be more considerate about how you feel. We’re partners just as much as we are teammates, and I can do a better job making sure everyone’s safe without putting myself in danger in the process.”

Ryuji’s hand presses into Akira’s and he wraps his fingers around it, pulling his palm down and closer to his mouth. “I’m not mad about what happened back with… y’know.” he murmurs against his skin. “I just, I need you to be safe. Every time you aren’t it kills me, and I can’t keep you safe if you won’t let me.”

Akira smiles, and it’s so warm and gentle that it fills his heart to the brim. He could almost cry again just from the sheer beauty of it, wanting to kiss it into oblivion.

“I’m safe as long as I’m with you, you know.” he says sweetly.

Ryuji smiles back despite himself, “I wouldn’t say that. I’m kind of a damn mess when I get heated.”

“I know, my table wasn’t shown an ounce of mercy.” Akira pokes with a grin.

“Hnnngh, sorry about that…”

Akira just laughs and pushes his hand back against his cheek, pulling his face forward and kissing him the way he wants. Ryuji doesn’t argue with it even a bit, letting Akira drink away all his worries, at least for tonight.

He never gets to asks Akira to promise him that he won’t do it again. For tonight at least he’s satisfied, but he has a bad feeling Akira wouldn’t have given it to him anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone in the pegoryu discord wanted me to leave this titled the way it was in my docs, which was "Ryuji's fucking PISSED", but that was a hard pass.
> 
> It was also fairly close to being "Ultimate Wrestling Showdown 2K18: Sakamoto vs Table".
> 
> Please come scream at me on Tumblr!: [musicaldefiance.tumblr.com](http://musicaldefiance.tumblr.com/)


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